Well here i am

Currently: adkfjalkdjf; mvnmc, mvcmnea;oojdkmd,klj;dafk;dioewo

I have been drinking a lot of hot tea lately, twirling my hair, and fighting off sicknesses swarming around campus right now. My voice is raspy. My eyes are puffy. And my head feel adrift in a cloud. Physically I am yearning for sleep; rest. Emotionally, I am seeking for the same thing.

My heart it panting for peace. If only I could lay this head down and know that everything in my life that seems to be running amok will be ok....my senior project will find its way to completion and stop hanging over my shoulders.....my future plans will find their way to the front.....and I will find a way to appreciate the time I have here. I would really like to do that. I loathe the fact that I can't do that. The moment my thoughts begin to marvel at the world around me, I wake up abruptly to my drill sergeant schedule alarming me to get back to my day. There's too much to do. And I don't think I can do it. Logically, picking this type of schedule was a stupid idea, seeming nearly impossible. And I am really sad about it. Emotionally, I am dealing with lifes general changes and decisions. Combined with being a girl and Liz at that, my eyes are teary and my soul is found in unrest.

My emotional throw up is this:

-I miss my friends, the ones that aren't near me geographically, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Some who have shifted their way to my past, I find it hard to let go. It's lonely to be without them now and it's hurting me to think about leaving a place full of dear ones and all of our memories.

My heart is heavy tonight. And I might leave it at that. Because there seems to be nothing else I can do.

If Donald Miller's words could be wedded, I would marry them.

Currently savoring: a cherry Jolly Rancher and Arizona iced tea
Currently listening to: a lot of Andrew Bird
Currently thinking about: going to the Copeland concert

I have had a productive day. Homework is now at a stopping point. I have found a comfortable position on the couch. Music is at its peak. I can't stop twirling my hair. It's about to twist off. I have been inspired by the works of Donald Miller. It's time to blog, let's go.

.......................................................

..................................


.......10 minutes.


i can't remember what I was going to say.


You should read Don's blog. We're pretty tight: http://donmilleris.com/

90th post

Currently listening to: Mindy Smith
Currently drinking: Lipton iced tea
Currently refreshed by: meaningful conversations

There is nothing easy about this graduating subject.....So much of what I enjoy is right here.

.the people.

I am surrounded by people that love, understand and have grace with me. They like who I really am. I have a community that is intentional and real about their humanness and their need for Christ. It's hard to know what to do with your emotions, your fears, your anxieties....what to do with your relationships once you are away from here. These are questions I am wrestling with in my mind.

And in this same change, I am taken away by how beautiful God has made this process of letting go of the things that I invested my heart and tears into. He finishes the work He starts, many times with people other than yourself. I believe that. Today I stepped back to notice people stepping out and allowing God use them to carry on the vision on this campus. It's wonderful seeing others be used by God. I couldn't be happier or more thankful. It's been awesome.

Really.

I am pretty calm right now. And quite collected. Strange. Perhaps I am feeling this peace that is talked about in the Bible.....that kind that surpasses all understanding. It's a unique feeling. And this peace comes at the strangest yet most opportune time to glorify God in His sovereignty and His faithfulness.

.....shrug.....

i don't know what else to say.

Always time for the blog

Currently thinking about: networking, jobs, akfjd;ajfd;jie;jrnmdn.
Currently have: my hood pulled over my head
Currently listening to: Vanessa Carlton, whoa.

Disclaimer: Don't let this post stress you out

Don't ask to hang out, I don't have time for you. Don't ask me to complete service hours for every class I am in, because I don't have time. Don't ask me to speak or lead worship, when would I fit that into my schedule? I don't have time to apply for jobs, so don't tell me everything that I should apply to do. But.... more than likely.....if you ask me...... I will say YES. My problem, exactly. (don't take the hanging out thing personally. I would love to hang out with you. Really.)

The trick to this semester: organization, time management, all that we wish we were good at.

How I am going to do this, I have no idea. My last semester might just be my craziest semester in the world. Not at all what I was going for.

Ah, there is always time for self-discovery though, and blogging nonetheless. In my recent experiences I have learned some things:

• I am detail-oriented
• Not quite the ceramics type of gal, patience is the problem perhaps
• Not a flirty gal either when it comes to the opposite sex
• I don't like the taste of curry
• Spanish is always a time consuming class to take
• Anything cliche is annoying and stupid

Lord, teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

A deadline and Radio rejection

Current favorite lyric: Your love is a melody my heart can't help but sing
Currently: wanting to go to bed early
Current favorite article of clothing: my hat

My forehead is permantly crunched in a permanent thinking position along with my abilities to type 3,489 words a minute and intake an unreasonable amount of caffeine. I had a 5:00 p.m. deadline. I turned my paper in at 4:59 p.m.

Oh college and deadlines. I conquered that beast.

Anyone who is familiar with Pandora knows the frustration of maxing out of your skipping privileges. After browsing through all of Matt Nathanson's radio station and not finding anything that suites, I get a pop-up that tells me I am too indecisive and cannot go on; I must stick with the song that is on (like I didn't know my inability to make decisions). And so I get on the Snow Patrol Pandora station to give listening another try....I don't like the first song. This is not a big deal, so I go to click the arrow to go to the next song, and......rejected. The pop-up repeats itself again. What the? Can't Pandora sense an indecisive radio-station-changer when they see one?

Right now I am going to go lay this pounding head down on the pillow. And with a sigh, close these red eyes and venture to sleep for a few hours. See you soon, my friend.

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Currently listening to: Ben Harper
Currently learning to: breathe
Current favorite song lyric: Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

I feel relieved at the opportunity to cuddle up with this piece of technology and write willingly about matters other than communication research and the difference between Simon Bolivar and Jose de San Martin. I have been waiting for this all day.

So, writing. I didn't realize I liked it until the past year of my college life. And it's not the MLA certified essays that I enjoy, it's this. I am reading a book called Sweet Agony which describes the thrilling and oh so satisfying endeavor of creating images out of nothing but a combination of 26 letters. Writing for my Communication professors right now is not sweet agony, it's painful agony. But sweet agony....oh what sweet agony in doing this (read that last line slowly with an English accent, sounds like Shakespeare).

I have several different layers of things going on in my life right now, all of which contribute to my heart feeling like it's been ripped apart and broken to pieces. No freak out texts/calls here, I am fine. I would just like to admit my hurt; that it is very real. It is humbling. And I am trying to get over the embarassing cliche feeling that I am going to miss "this place." But I am. "This place" referring to so many different things these past 3 years. Relationships have a lot to do with it, as does an identity that has been wrapped up securely by the titles and systems here. Without this identity, I feel like I have been dropped off on the side of the road, stripped naked, shivering, nameless and cold, waiting to sight my way down the road again.


But this time, a new road, and without everyone else.

A cozy post

Currently drinking: Pumpkin Spice Frappachino via Starbucks
Currently listening to: Cold Water by Damien Rice
Currently sporting: boot slippers

Coffee tends to stimulate my blogness. To complement that, it's a rainy Friday afternoon.

I visited Starbucks today and was very much reminded of how much I enjoy that place. New pumpkin spice treats and drinks, and dandy brown colored mugs. You should go. I left with coffee in my hand and the aroma drenching into my pores. YES.

I miss helping people figure out what kind of coffee to get and making their drink in less than 50 seconds. I miss the coffee lingo and the psycho morning rush. It's because I think everyone wants to be good at something. Not just career-ish stuff, but a connoisseur (props to Dictionary.com) of something trendy like coffee, beer, or wine. It's fun to be an expert. Like a chef, knowing all the flavors and spices, you can put together a treat for someone, leaving their mouths wide open because they have no idea how you do it. Liz, ah....the aspiring Coffee Master.

Meanwhile, reality has ordered me to order myself. I did three loads of laundry today and have a date with my planner. I have a pile of nasty dishes waiting to be washed, no surprise there. I am really excited about getting myself together and catching up on much needed conversations.

It's the fall season. Everything brown, pumpkin, apple, and spice. Fallen leaves and bonfires. Football games in hoodies. Let's skip the cliche statement about how time flies by and we don't know where it went and freak out about how it's September and my birthday of 22 years, Thanksgiving, graduation, Christmas, and God-willing, Peru, are coming up in the next 4 months, in that exact order. Brace yourself. Emotional blogs could be a serious side effect.

I am speaking Spanish again. My heart is warmed by it. Thanks to those who understand this and who have grace with me while I am in this place in my life.

So grab a mug of something, pull up a chair, and search for words with me.

H1N1, Facebook, and peanut butter

Current favorite song lyric: "The Day is Brave"

Today a friend in the cafeteria yelled out, "It's here!"

Wash your hands with soap and water. Use antibacterial stuff too, even though the hundred that have been put around your college are empty because the sanitizer is on back order. Stay in a foot long box if you have flu symptoms. Don't breathe or have contact with any other human being. If you say anything, we will quarantine you.

The bacon cough, pig flu, oink, swine flu, H1N1, whatever you want to name it, has hit the William Jewell College campus. All this does is make everyone paranoid. So now instead of the shallow small talk about the abnormally cool weather in Missouri right now, classes are consumed with chatter about the girl who had to go home because of the flu and how soap and water is the best way to clean your hands. Seriously. Small schools have to be the worst when it comes to these things because you hear the same gossip 20 times in one class. Things don't just get around fast here, they get around several times. Don't cough in public, people will form a 2-foot radius around you. You think people are your friends until they find out you are sick and take an extra few steps away from you. I am thinking about wearing a face mask and gloves tomorrow to school to see what people do.

Another rumor today at school said that there is a Facebook application allowing you to see who visits your profile and how many times they visit. Is this true? Because there was a rumor about this last year and I think that was false. So no more Facebook stalking?

Today I ate peanut butter and crackers, only because I wanted peanut butter. I just finished a Slimfast shake only so I could have the taste of chocolate. Sometimes I eat carrots with peanut butter only to have an object to scoop the peanut butter into my mouth. Why don't I just eat the friggin jar of peanut butter? Ah, what you do to justify what you eat. Like those dreamers who say, "Oh, I will have the cherry pie and ice cream because it's a fruit and good for me, and ice cream has dairy in it." I mean, really?

Someone forgot to tell this girl....