Thursday, April 30, 2009

Bag Lady

Current word describing my room: disaster
Current food fad: mocha frapps w/ hazelnut
Currently wanting to: stay up all night looking at the stars and have great conversation, or in reality, sleep.

Wow. Marathon day. It was one of those. You start bright and early and don't get back to your room til the sun has been way down. You live out of a bag, carrying snacks, papers, medicine, and laptop with you all day. You go from class to meeting to doing homework for your next class and then maybe you'll get lunch. You breathe.....and then another meeting, dinner, blah blah blah blah blah..........and it's 11:56 p.m. and you decide to write a blog with the last few moments of the day. My brain is a blog machine. Throughout the day I constantly think of things blog-worthy to write. If I was gutsy enough to make blogging my profession, I would. Only because it satisfies some yearning in me to make sense of things through words. It's the challenge. And the more I do it, the more I like it.

I analyze the crap out of everything. Oh my goodness. In a single conversation I will take into account someone's facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact tendencies, spiritual nature, whether they are a first-born child or like coffee, whether they put their jeans on left leg first, and if they marked on the back of their license to give their organs. You name it, I can give you a run-down about you after one conversation. Ah and it gives me a headache that I do this. Today was an overstimulated day. My brain needs to stop thinking about every little thing.

College makes you into something....can't think of the word. Zombie is what I can think of right now. You go and go and go and go.....putting in so much effort to things, while trying to maintain meaningul relationships on no sleep and crap food. It wears on you. Finishin up 3 years.....and you know, I am ready to be done with this kind of life. It's definately for a season, and I can feel this season ending. My eyes, heart, and thoughts are looking outward; away from this hill.

Ok. I got on here to make a great post, but halfway through realized I was really tired. So will come back another time. Thanks for reading this, my faithful reader.


Sunday, April 26, 2009

North, South, don't catch the swine flu.

Currently enjoying: the Twilight soundtrack. Judging is bad, stop it.
Currently suffering from: a stomach ache. Either swine flu or the ice cream creation I made for dinner.
Currently wanting to be: not at school

So the swine flu has contaminated Mexico and parts of the U.S. Dang pigs. Drug wars have also made it unsafe to cross the border. Yes. Thank you for messing up my plans everyone. No need to let Liz figure her life out....throw those curveballs. I am kind of used to them by now. The majority of my day today was spent figuring out Plan B, C, and D, with the high chances that I will not travel to Mexico this summer like planned. It's annoying yet exhilarating to think of the countless possibilities. And you know, I might just be at peace with not going. Perhaps God has other plans. To be continued.

Getting lost= something that is becoming less and less frequent because of the recent technological creation of the GPS. But for simple girls like me, we brave the world of highways and biways with our inklings and hunches. We don't ask questions. We drive. And yes, we will figure it out....until we realize we have been driving an hour in the wrong direction. Suddenly the car becomes full of "Are you kidding me's" and curse words intertwined. One swears that he or she followed the directions perfectly, putting the blame on MapQuest, or fully admits the hunch at the very beginning: "Oh, I KNEW we were going the wrong way. I could just feel it." Give it another 30 minutes in the middle of the night, I mean morning, and you get delirious laughter. Road signs begin jumping out like clowns with big red noses. Headlights always look like they are coming at you, making you question whether you are in the wrong lane. And then there are those people that try to make you feel better about yourself: "Oh...well getting lost is sometimes the best way that we learn. It's ok, it happens to everybody." No it doesn't. People that fork out the cash to buy those computer things that tell you to turn right at the corner don't get lost. It's people like me, redheads who claim to know the difference between North and South, that get lost in the middle of the night. I woke up this morning to my parents on the computer, shopping for GPS's for their directionally-challenged daughter. Thanks?

Complaints: My brains hurts. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. The wind is loud. My hair is pulled back too tight. I don't want to be at school anymore. I locked my door so no one would think I was here. People drive me nuts.

Ever wish you could quit relationships? I am left with a lyric in mind:

"I wish you were a stranger; I could disengage....just say that we agree and then never change."

Thanks Fray.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Weather and some social observances

Currently listening to: Missy Higgins, Frou Frou, and Adele
Currently feasting on: Sobe green tea
Currently wearing: a skirt my extravegant Spanish teacher from high school would have worn

It's hot out today. I walked out in jeans only to turn back around, after walking 5 feet and sweating, to change to a free-flowing skirt that would grant me some air to stay cool. I don't trust warm weather in Missouri. It's the feeling of knowing that there's a surprise around the corner. Today it's 80 degrees, tomorrow it will snow. It's like the boy who cried wolf. Do you really think we're going to believe this trick, Missouri weather? I don't think so. Tomorrow I am wearing my winter coat.

Being in a college world where E-mail is one's only key to survival, I have seen my fair share of E-mails. And hey, I have even written a few. My observation is that E-mails reflect one's personality and/or major. I have a friend that puts the word "yo" either in the subject line or at the end of every sentence. I have wondered why this is. This friend is majorly laid back; "chill" some would say. Is it that people add "yo" to the end of their sentences in order to make it more friendly, less formal, more buddyish? Other people I know tend to put everything they are thinking at the time in a paragraph, making you try to code through all the words to find the one sentence that purposed the E-mail in the first place. It's like a game. Others ignore every lesson every learned aboutgrammar and punctuation and type the text, nothing else. Like capitalizing the first letter of the sentence is conforming to society or something. Now as a communication major, I have my preferences, but if everyone had the same E-mail writing, what would be the fun in that, right? This paragraph would be non-existent.

My philosophy on "being bored..." Oh my goodness, there is nothing worse than being a stressed-out, hairless, sleep deprived college student and hearing your friends at home talk about "being bored." Really? Really? If you are out of high school and bored, you need to check up on the whole "purpose" thing in life. Working at Wendy's doesn't count. Besides the whole doing something with your life thing, being bored is a state of mind. Along with the statement above, there is nothing worse than being with someone when they tell you that they are bored. What are you supposed to say to that? "Great, I am having fun with you too." I think being bored is what boring people say.

Alright, there are my thoughts for the day. I am going to go stare and analyze the human race some more.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A heart's rant

Currently feeling: indifferent
Currently listening to: "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen"
Currently wanting: to get away

It's time for one of those blogs explaining one of those moods. You know these. You don't care about anything. You feel like doing something but you don't know what you want to do. You can't seem to be content. You are anxious about moving onto the next season in your life. You stuff Junior Mints into your mouth on the way home from Wal-Mart only to have one fall on the wayside, melting into a brown blob on the crotch of your pants. One of those moods. And so you turn on your favorite sentimental, reflecting songs and try to work up a good cry because it will make you feel better. Just because. Because in the world there is injustice and unhappy people. There is a truth that we are so blinded from seeing because of our simply humanness.

Do you ever get frustrated because you know you are "missing it?" You know that you are letting yourself get caught up in all of the meaningless things that barge in front of your face. You let things cloud your vision, and it frustrates you. I know time is ticking away. I know I am wishing my life away. I hate knowing that tomorrow I will wake up and be 70, looking back on my years, telling young kids how fast time goes by and for them to appreciate being young. Knowing this, you would think I would live each day for the beauty of the day. Or not worry about stupid things. But in my knowledge of a great truth and eternal reality, I watch the fog consume my vision, and gladly welcome the comfort of my meaningless stresses. There is only so much my human thoughts can do to stay connected to such an eternal kingdom.

I analyze people too much. I analyze relationships too much. I wish I could turn it off. And then, as a communication major, I tend to analyze the way people speak and form their sentences; unhealthy my Junior mint craze today in the car that left my pants looking like a dirty diaper.

I wish I could do better.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

CA: Chocolate Anonymous

Currently savoring: Ghirardelli INTENSE DARK chocolate: Mint Bliss
Currently drinking: Steaz Green Tea Soda: Key Lime that looks like a bottle of beer
Currently going: nuts-o

This blog is dedicated to all my faithful readers. You know who you are.

My brothers sat down recently and told me that an addiction is something you can't go a day without. Their smoking habits were what they were referring to, but to their naive little sister, the only thing flooding her mind was chocolate. I have come to realize that I have a binging problem and it's with chocolate. Once a day I gather all the chocolate in my 5-foot radius and go to town. Sometimes it's dark, milk, silk, you name it. Sometimes it takes swarming through the halls of Ely, stealing whatever candy I can get from outside the RA's rooms. What is great is that Dove is even enhancing your addiction experience with these inspirational phrases. "Believe in yourself" or "Take some time to breathe."

Disclaimer must say that I am not one of those women that brag about being a chocolate obsessionist just to be feminine, like those who talk about breaking up with their boyfriends, eating ice cream and watching a chick flic or who thrive in complaining about their periods to feel more womanly. I am the genuine type. No faking here. I looked online and can't seem to find a support group though. Gandhi once said "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Maybe God is telling me to start my own support group. I don't know if I'm ready for that step. Let's go ask Dove...

Psycho academic week=Survival? We'll see. My goal is surviving through tomorrow. That means progress must happen on my Lit. Review tonight. It's going well, can't you see. Look I am too tired to even put a question mark at the end of that sentence.

I have a redhead in a red and green striped onzy pj suit hovering over me with her citrus fruit in hand. This is for you fellow Beyonce.

Go cocoa.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Midnight Revelations.

Currently needing: a shoulder massage
Currently looking for: an internship
Latest Dove chocolate saying: "Believe in yourself"

Yesterday I turned in a 43-page paper. Today I am recovering. College cannot be healthy for a human being.

I have a chocolate problem.

I have noticed that I interact with guys by punching them. What does this mean?

I have become obsessed with being a business-like-organizational-get the work done-woman.

I want to play my fingers on the piano keys right now.

It seems that everyone in my life right now is either getting engaged, married, divorced, or having a baby. Stop it.

I ran 1 1/2 miles today. Yes beast. Thank you jogging class.

In closing, let's meditate on Imogen Heap's words:

mmmm whatcha say.