Saturday, February 28, 2009

On a snowy afternoon...

Currently listening to: Tracy Chapman
Currently eating: Kashi Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal
Currently recovering from: a luxurious afternoon nap

Major inspiration calls for back-to-back blogs. Honestly, it's because someone mentioned that she loves reading my blog and it secretly made me convicted that I had put the pen down so-to-speak and lacked frequent postings. Because of previous instances, fears of random people and strangers reading my blog hesitates me to write at times. But today, you found me in the right spot.

I like how snow has authority to divert all plans at any given time. If snow comes, then plans are automatically shifted to a 50% attendance record. You have the right to choose a) it's too slick and dangerous for my little, light car to travel in these conditions, or b) I will toil and work to get the several feet of snow off my car to come and make it to my prior commitment which shows that I am majorly faithful and deserve a pat on the back. Today, I have given the snow control. This morning I attended an important commitment, but this afternoon, all of my plans have been thankfully lifted off my shoulders and it's an automatic "lazy Saturday afternoon," praise God. And it caught me at just the right time where I needed rest, not really recognizing that til now. So I am cozy in a blanket in my green chair in the corner of my room, staring out at the inches of snow covering Liberty right now. And for the first time this year, I don't mind it. I think it's because it's a pretty significant amount. Snow either needs to not be here at all, or make a dramatic appearance.

So I need to verbalize via Blog my recent frustration with the male species. Men, don't be awkward about this, maybe it will give you insight on atleast one female perspective. This is what happens....this is what Liz encounters with males: I meet a "nice guy" somewhere, somehow, and have an immediate connection. This connection leads to a great conversation wherever we are. During that interaction, of course, I am analyzing our chemistry and whether he's a strong candidate (embarassing to admit these things). I leave totally speechless. He of course didn't ask for a phone number or initiate any other contact, but I secretly hope that he will desparately seek out my information from a source and find me because he just feels so in love with me......ok back to reality. This of course never happens. And I get stuck telling my good friends about these "one-night stands" (in a non-sexual way) that never worked out and whom I never see again. But at the time, I am positive that I could marry the guy. So is the story of a rather passionate and impatient girl I guess. After several let-downs, I have trained my heart to stay guarded and my conclusions, not jumped. It's just that I find myself with two rather extreme interactions with men: solely romantic and the "just friends" label. I have not found the medium.

Boys note: girls hate it when you only talk about yourself. Ask questions and seem interested in her.

Today is a great day. Know why? Because it's one of the few days that music is hitting my mood today perfectly. This is a rare occasion.

Ok, well enjoy the snow. Go jump in it or something. I am going to go bond with some special people.


Friday, February 27, 2009

Ponderings in the office

Currently listening to: Joshua Radin
Currently smelling like: cafeteria
Currently surrounded by: 2 wonderful people, aka Anna and Megan

I am lounging in the office of Ely, sporting my sweatpants and choosing a cozy Friday evening in the dorm. Wait....being on RA duty isn't actually choosing...but I am choosing a great attitude about it. It is nice to unwind from a crazy week. No more thinking or staring at homework, please.

My thoughts lately:

Do you ever find yourself insecure of some of your most valuable and unique traits?

I really like melty ice cream.

Just like high school, being a "senior" in college is rather emotional and bittersweet....*fill in cheesy one-liners here, following with "I don't know what to do with my life" statements*

I have found myself much more comfortable and thriving in leadership/organizing roles lately.

My heart melts for Mexican immigrants.

Monday you will find me watching the season finale of the Bachelor.

So long. Farewell.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Finally Free

Currently into: chocolate milk
Currently listening to: the hum of the heater
Currently sporting: the braid

Today in church, I found myself completely taken away by truth. It wasn't a special service with special music to dazzle a crowd. It was just another service displaying the grace and power of God. But the words spoken were just the right words for my heart at that exact moment. The power of the Word connected with my heart in such a way to break chains and burdens that have weighed my heart. Chains that I didn't even know were there. I was genuinely moved...Overwhelmed with joy. Ecstatic with freedom. In awe of this revelation. This revelation of Jesus. Who He is.....

The Messiah. The Son of God. The Truth. The Way. My salvation. My hope. My Savior.

And when something like this really clicks with you...when you really get it. It sets you free. From deception, false identity, false reality. From my religion.

I guess I am knowing Jesus for who He really is. I am no longer taking bits and pieces of who I want Him to be, but am allowing His complete wholeness to reside within my being, giving Him all authority and lordship over my life.

So today when I took communion, I felt immersed in bountiful grace and honored with the true revelation of Christ. I was humbled. And I accepted all He is and all He gave. For me.

For I am His and He is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Jesus and Love.

Currently listening: Ben Rector, "Ready for Change"
Currently drinking: Mocha/vanilla/hazelnut Frapp
Currently enjoying: wearing Chaco's again

Greetings from this Hill. It's a 60 degree February day. An opportunity to break out the Chaco's, atleast for a little while. It feels good to let these feet breathe.

Lately my conversations have included talks about And in that, questions about what is right and wrong. And what is the correct way to conduct ministry. Always, the answer to these complex and controversial issues ends up being "Jesus" or "love." Nice and simple. I pull those answers all the time. But really, what does that mean? Because two very different answers scream in my ears:

A churh condemns homosexuals, pushing them to change or go to hell, in the name of "love"....claiming telling the truth is love. They invade politics, hoping to save more babies and keep marriage the name of Jesus. Others take the other side of Jesus....the merciful, accepting Jesus, to reach out to poor people and spend time taking care of the environment. But be careful to offend people. It's important to be socially accepted. Both are expressed in rather polarized ways. Both sides have valid points and claim "their way" is the way of "Jesus," of "love." But is Jesus one or the other?

Jesus hates sin. That's clear in the Bible. But He is around it too....He's around the sick, gross, smelly, bad-mouthed people, God-hating people. How does He do that? He is peaceful and accepting even though He is holy and righteous. Deserving of more than anything we have to offer.

How do we act this out? People need to hear truth, right? But people also need to be loved. Is there a way to do both? They must go together somehow. I don't think we've figured it out yet.

Perhaps both contain an essence of Christ's character. But should be have to "choose" or go to complete extremes? There must be a way to live this out. Like Jesus. The real one...not the one we make Him out to be to conform to our world....but the Son of God. The One that came to save us.

Faith can become such a complex...rationalized....thought-out thing. Indeed, I think it should be. Deconstructing one's beliefs is important to come out liberated and confident of truth. But the process is uncomfortable and leaves on fairly insecure. The reason what seems to be such a simple truth can be overwhelming and complex in our human minds is because I believe God is so much bigger and mightier than any of our intellects could understand. God is bigger than our arguments. God is bigger than "who is in and who is out."

This is when recognize the time to throw up our hands and surrender. There is so much we don't know. So stop claiming that you have it....because right when you do, God becomes less God and you become your own.

I am put in my place. I am humbled. I am weak. His truth must shine in this life. His love needs to pour out of me. Because I am incapable of doing any of this living on my own.

Surprisingly, I find this all unconventionally....beautiful.