Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Summer endings

Currently listening to: Snow Patrol
Currently reading: Sex God by Rob Bell
Currently dreaming about: seeing my friends again
Current realization: This summer I am white.

I don't know what else to do with myself at the moment, so of course, blog!

Summer is rapidly coming to an end. I have two more days left and then I am heading back to the hill where my life begins again. I have had what seems to be a break from reality; 3 months of recooperating. I am dying to be social again. I am ready to get back to being myself. Just thinking about life back at Jewell and picking up objects and placing them into my suitcase brings such a relief to my soul. Seriously, you have no idea. Everyone has their college experiences--some love it and some don't. I am in love with this time in my life. Infact, I don't want to graduate.

Today I played in the street. My feet have a strip of black lingering on the calloused bottom. My feet have gotten out of control this summer. I am afraid to take them to a pedicure place. Surely there are boundaries to foot funk that can be tolerated or something. I will be left sitting and wondering why the asian lady ran out of the building screaming for life.

I played piano with mom today. She dusted off her flute. She hasn't touched that flute in the longest time. And I haven't been the best about spending my time expressing on the piano. So it was good for the both of us. It's something I capture in my mind so I will always remember. We used to play together when I lived on that piano bench. Refreshing.

Today's activities also included a much needed trip to Wal-Mart where my debit card got cleaned up a little bit. I realized there were a lot of things needed for my life at school.....a lot of cooking/cleaning stuff....stuff that I don't really know anything about. And I was without my mom, so I made executive decisions on things like sauce pans, perring knives, and strainers: the cheapest wins. Still, add the cheapest of everything, you still get a hefty Wal-Mart spending headache afterwards. Yet...accomplishment. Liz feels like an adult.

And it's scary.

I also watched my niece trace cursive on her homework worksheet. Today was her first day of school. I remember that feeling......new clothes, the sound of the school bus brakes, the return of an early bedtime, and cookies and milk when I got home on the first day.

It makes me want to go put on my backpack.

Do you realize there are the people that are always too cool for backpacks that actually go on your back? What is up with the side strap students?

Too cool for school is what I think.

I have this hidden fear of my laptop crashing and losing my life, I mean, all my pictures, music, and school work. So I (I mean my dad) got a 8 gb flash drive to save it all on. Whew, I feel better.

Now listening to: Waterdeep

Alright bloggers, goodnight. Adventures await us.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Never the Same

My recent thoughts have been consumed with words like: "Gluten-free," "buckwheat," "arrowroot," and "millet," and I have found myself reading cookbooks about cooking with allergies. I am educated. I am informed. Ask me any question.

Today marks my tenth day without Gluten (wheat, flour, aka everything). I am on my way to good health and learning much on the way:

In honor of my 21st birthday in a few months, I cannot drink beer. It is made of barley, Gluten. So in doing my research, I have found Redbridge, the only Gluten-free beer. I CAN have tequila, wine, and hard liquor. Whoa.

I cannot cheat. For kicks, I sampled a corner of a strawberry Pop-Tart last night. Not even 10 minutes later, I had myself a headache, stomachache, and felt like my body was going to all apart. Darn it.

I don't lose weight. It's glued on.

Along with this elimination let's not forget the other ingredients I cannot consume:


This presents a beautiful frustration when preparing for college in a week. How, oh how in the world, am I going to survive without my mom? How am I going to be a college student while avoiding coffee, desserts, beer, and (insert junk food name here)? Somehow I will manage. I know that. And in all honesty, I know this is insane, I have been okay. Self-control has kicked in and my taste-buds have changed so much that I am adapting to this new flavor, Gluten-free.

I remember the kids in school....the special ones that got the special snacks. The kid who couldn't eat sugar. The one who had to drink soy milk, gross. And the kid who couldn't eat the cookies. I always looked at Lactose-intoleranters and thought, "I would DIE if I couldn't eat ice cream."


Lord have mercy, my life will never be the same.

This is going to be fun..... *laughs*

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Beautiful Surrender

Currently Listening: Jason Upton
Currently Reading: The Shack, Colossians
Currently Eating: Gluten-Free Food
Currently Feeling: Loved

If anything, this summer has stripped all pride away from my identity. I have been humbled: by people, by circumstance, by God showing Himself faithful despite my doubt. And for this I am so thankful. There is nothing left of me. I have nothing to prove to you. I am not stupid enough to continue being something I am not. I am stripped and broken; naked and cleaned. Right before God.

It's beautiful.

Surrender has loosened my chains.

Love has brought warmth and light.

Peace has calmed my storm.

And "in him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17).

I am seeking hard after that truth. My heart is running forward with wreckless abandon. My past has no grip on me. My future needs no worry to be complete. I live and breathe in His consuming passion...to grap hold of the prize. To finish the race.

And run it to win it.

Friday, August 1, 2008

A Rich Life

I am in a wonderful moment where things seem to be lined up. Some spiritual. Some utterly materialistic. Let me explain.

Today I dropped the most worthy $100 at Gap Outlet. My once a year, tax-free wardrobe. Another satisfied customer.

I dread first impressions. You may not think that a loud person would be self-concious in social settings as these, but I hate them. The whole time you are talking to me I am thinking about how obnoxious and overly friendly I have been. I seriously have to tone myself down in exciting, new situations, because I am afraid my presence is too overwhelming for the other party. You could imagine the worry that went into meeting my freshman roommate. Lord have mercy that's a funny one. The reason I bring this up is also to state that first impressions are 99.9% wrong in my life. And at the moment I am convicted of some judgements I have made on a particular person that was put in my path and later really blessed me. We are all learning, aren't we.

What is with being in the sun and feeling absolutely alive? The invigorating feeling of sun, sweating, and freckles. The smell of sunscreen. It makes me really happy.

Right now I have a satisfied stomach. Not hungry, not bloaded or full. Why can't I eat like this all the time?

I have the perfect music for the moment. This is right. Just right.

I have found an engaging book. I would like to read it all today just to show you how much I like it. This is monumental because I have been searching from genre to genre, trying to find one that I can pick up and actually finish.

Velvet Elvis, I am a firm believer.

Yesterday I visited one of my favorite places on Earth: Grand River Chapel at William Jewell. I was there with one of my favorite people, playing on my favorite piano. It was the happiest I had been in a very long time. I laughed a lot. From my belly. Pure joy.

I am realizing the beauty and vibrance of life, freedom, faith, and relationships. Somehow they all play together to create a unique experience I get to have on this Earth. Today I breathe deep. I take the color in. I feel the warmth of the sun. I experience the love of people. The grace of God.

I recognize the presence of a God, that has been there since the beginning.

I can finally see Him.

Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I am free at last.