Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The day before Christ was born

Currently eating: italian cookies
Currently never listening to again: Christmas music
Currently dreaming of: leading worship

Christmas Eve traditions are complete. Our over-filling dinner of ham and fixings has passed with much groaning and saying "I will never eat again." Singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus was sung loudly by all the grandkids. I insistently asked them what the three candles on the angel food cake represented, encouraging the spiritual, deep meaning to all the things we do in this family and carrying the tradition of my grandma. After the "Larry, Curly and Moe" jokes subsided, I re-explained the idea of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and that's what the three candles represent. We then attended the Christmas Eve service at church as a whole family just like every year.

We are now sitting around the fire discussing the matters of the day, waiting for Christmas to come. I devistatingly watched my mom fill stockings for the grandkids tonight. Devistating is the word I use to describe this because this is my childhood revealed...this is what they did every Christmas Eve? Ah. I'm old. I remember the days when I would immediately go to bed after service, being told that the earlier you go to sleep, the quicker Santa comes, and in the morning, waking up to stockings full of chapstick, deoderant, gum, and other necessities. This is the first year we don't have stockings. Welcome to adulthood.

There is nothing about adulthood that seems attractive right now. Having to make my own decisions with the fear of owning all the consequences to them, good or bad, makes me sick to my stomach. I mean I do it now, but adulthood is like being released and pushed out of any last comfort that is left at the age of 21. This time next year, I will be done with my exams....classes....backpacks....forever. And my future will be in my hands. Gross. Just gross. Is this real? Take it back. All those times I wished I were older. I take it back. Let me be forever 21.

Ok. So I am frustrated. Because all day today I have thought of things, experienced feelings, that are blog-worthy. But now, I am drawing blanks, or just lacking the umph to continue with taste. So here are the end of my thoughts:

I am thankful for my health. It's indescribable feeling this way. The Lord is faithful.

It's funny the way you are around your family. I've been observing this lately. I am the youngest redhead that looks nothing like her siblings and is the smartest, most driven and musical of the family. Don't worry, this is what they tell me. I am not that conceited. I tend to be the quieter helper around here. That's how I feel anyway. That's all about that.

I am ready to pursue my music. For real.

I have some serious New Year's resolutions this year.....I never do that. But I have some serious make-overing to do in many areas. I am ready for a new Liz with the intent of finding the real Liz somewhere in there.

Well... Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad and most importantly, Happy Birthday, Jesus.

***Fun fact of the day: My dad and I "You tubed" Santana music today in order to find the English translation to his song, "Oye como va." Heard it? This is what it means: "How's it goin? My rythme is good for partying, babe." It repeats that through the whole thing. Dang, Santana, you are clever.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Ramblings of an overcaffeinated redhead.

Currently listening to: Snow Patrol
Current addiction: coffee
Current breakthrough: singing in front of people

I am a passionate person. I am very extreme. If I am craving M&M's, I have to eat the whole bag. If I am going to wash my dishes, I am going to clean my whole room. If I am going to read a book, I am going to finish that book in a day, by golly jeepers. So with this, I go through different fads I guess you could say. Blogging for example. I will probably blog every day during the break. I am just in the mood. I wasn't a month ago. But heck, I am now. So I am going to blog. It's like something hits me and turns on my urge to write so a million people around the world or maybe even none can read my chasing thoughts, my pointless ponderings.

I have been visited by the blog fairy.

Usually the cause for blogging is I go through a phase of reading a lot. Reading always inspires me to write out my thoughts. But I would not categorize myself as a reader. I am not a fan of fiction....I am working on that one. But when I finally find books I like, I devour them and talk about them for weeks. I love it. It makes me feel smart.

I have recently observed that I get this trait from my mom. My mom has put our family through every health kick or diet, depending on whether no-carbs are in or not and what book she is reading that week. At times carbs were bad. Other times, it was the sugar. Organic. No yeast. Name it. Done it.Sometimes the new trend comes from a "gal at work" or something Oprah said.

There was a time when she would drink nothing but Diet Coke. Then at some point in time I blinked and opened my eyes to find that she hated Diet Coke and loves Coke. Now the only thing she drinks is Coke. She even converted to the Pepsi side for awhile. She is back the the classic Coca-Cola now. When mom sits down at the end of the day, she knows that she deserves that Coke and bag of chips. She loves the crunch of those chips. She will savor every crunch of those Kettle cooked Lays without a glimpse of guilt. And I love that.

Mom wants to enjoy her dessert. She will not waste her calories on just any ol' rush of sweetness. She wants her pie homemade, heated up, and with ice cream melted on top. If you are going to go, you go all the way. I also have inherited this way.

I love it when mom gets excited....when she is in her element. It's usually when she is doodling, painting, crafting, creating in any sort of way. Her mind just goes and she is in another world. It's beautiful. Truly beautiful. I hope she allows herself to stay in that place. She deserves that joy all the time.

So I just went on a rant about my mom. And I know that I could continue. After awhile, you realize you know your parents pretty well....right down to every little habit. I want to write a book about my parents. I just decided that as I typed out those words. Alright. Better get started.

Oh wait, I had other thoughts. Wait, no. That should just go in another blog. Ah. Here I go rambling again making the end of this awkward like talks with nursing majors about sex. Of course I've never done that.


Saturday, December 20, 2008

The F-bomb, hanging bras and Christmas traffic

Currently reading: Cold Tangerines
Currently eating: Apple Jacks w/ Rice Milk
Currently enjoying: catching up with old friends

Today I made the mistake of partaking in the stupidest decision too many people make on the Saturday before Christmas....going to the mall. Ok, I feel everyone must experience this atleast once in their life, but never again. I sat in a long line of cars for 45 minutes and moved maybe 20 feet. Ok, I have no idea if that estimation is even near accurate, but it's the first thing that came to mind. Hope it makes my point. It wasn't until I found myself sandwiched bumper to bumper between a thousand cars filled with caffeinated, stressed out shoppers who imagine they are the only people in a hurry to get out of there, that I realized what I had gotten myself into.

When stuck in traffic, one is able to fit in some much needed people watching time. I saw a few drop the F-bomb. It's funny you just know it when you see it. It's the way their eyes rage and lips curl up when you know that a very vile 4-letter word has just escaped their mouth. I also saw a very nice Volvo with what looked like very normal, friendly people inside. Nothing strange about the scene until I took notice of the white bra hanging from their rear view mirror...........? It was like finding Where's Waldo in his red-striped shirt among Gothic people without glasses, dressed in black. It just didn't fit.

Within this 45 minute traffic experience, I encountered several emotions. This is understandable for anyone, but especially for one who recently finished finals, just wanted to run in to buy a quick pair of jeans which didn't happen because I am in between sizes and insecure about my weight to say the least, and I was late to a coffee date with an old friend. At one point I found myself know I am not joking.....during the hysterical moments. Laughing when it got past the point of sanity. And cussing in my head to the people who I saw pass me, laughing and enjoying themselves with the loved ones in their car, like it was Christmastime or something. There is no worse feeling than wasting 1/3 tank of gas (again, another made up figure) by partaking in a rather materialistic, vein tradition and being seen with all the shop-a-holics that do weird things like wake up at 3 in the morning to shop the day after Thanksgiving and wait in line to return all their gifts at Wal-Mart the day after Christmas. You know, it's just not healthy. And you would think I would catch myself before doing such a thing today, but for some reason it did not cross my mind.

After my adventure, I had coffee with an old friend, actually, a girl I used to disciple in high school. Our interaction reminded me of the deep need for community, to be understood, and the value of the seeds we sow. It was refreshing and encouraging. She is doing amazing considering some unfortunate events in her life. She is positive, determined, and seeing the Lord work throughout the situations in her life. It's wonderful to see that. It really is.

So I am sitting in a quiet home, staring at a Christmas tree covered with old paper wreaths and felt stocking ornaments. My brain is still settling it's thoughts after a rather rough few months. I survived yet another semester in college. It's an accomplishment I hope to make 2 more times. Possibilities for life after college have aggressively charged through my mind. I allow them some time, but place them on hold for awhile in order to enjoy this very moment. To be here. To be present. To not miss it.

Here is the part where I make some witty conclusion to this whole experience. This is where I get insecure of my blogging abilities and throw my hands up to my fellow English major, clever, intelligent bloggers who read a lot. Props to you. I just can't find it in me to sit here another 10 minutes and think about how it would be fitting to end my post.

So....It is what it is.