Sunday, November 1, 2009

Finding words for this

Currently listening to: Death Cab for Cutie
Currently digesting: a Sunday sundae
Currently feeling: cynical

I find it extremely difficult to live in such a broken world. There is a chance to get hurt at any moment. This idea terrifies me. I don't know how to live without the fear of getting screwed in the long run. I guess when things begin to cycle in your life a certain way, you hesitate to even give it another shot. Because every time I try, the result is the same. The feelings are there. The hurt remains.

I serve Jesus who restores me. I know this. I trust this. It's at times like these that I understand even more fully that He really is the only one in whom I can hope. But I find myself believing in people too much. Hoping they will be the one that finally understands me. Wrong again. Thanks for the reminder.

The feeling of embarassment and "I told you so's" flood my mind. Maybe this is the place people get to when they throw their hands up and stop fighting. Maybe that's where I am at. I might throw my hands up after this post because I suck at controlling my life. I have evidence to prove it.

Why are we so human. Seriously. It's getting so old.

1 comment:

Krysten said...

That place where you throw your hands up and stop fighting...sometimes that is the place you find your freedom. I lived it. You can too.

Here for you always.