Thursday, October 8, 2009

(Fill in the blank)

Currently listening to: Damien Rice. I can't stop.
Currently drinking: hot tea
Currently seeking: wisdom

I figured I owed you a blog. I have been waiting for the right time to sit and type. The perfect time hasn't come, but this will do.

Life is moving at an unbelievable rate; a speed at which I am found extremely uncomfortable and unprepared. It's at moments like last night that I sit and Grand River Chapel and stare at the stained glass window ahead....locking my eyes into the intricate designs and colors......that the life that I have been running around frantically in comes swirling down onto my chest, thumping me hard and waking me up. And I experience silence. Stillness. Tears. All of a sudden I see what it's about, I see reality. I see what life is really about and the way I have been missing it. I see the condition of my heart and my need for a savior. I see my real fears and my deepest insecurities.

There's nothing perfect or flawless about life. It's full of humans with ugly hearts, seeking happiness and love from anyone and everything. We desire acceptance and we yearn for understanding. We lean on others who can't hold us up and we keep thinking that we can figure out a way to live a life where we call the shots. We lie to ourselves over and over again, patching up ours wounds and worsening the ones on others.

It's a heck of a time paving my way through life right now. I realize my hearts vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me. I realize I really do know nothing, and that nothing holds without the love of Christ. Perhaps this is a good place to be. Humbleness. My self deserves no credit or worldly satisfaction. My soul is yearning to escape the oppression around me. It's screaming for truth. And it's aware that my eyes do not see reality. My soul keeps me looking forward.... forward to the day where my faith shall be my eyes.

What a glorious day.


meg said...

your words are wonderful.
your need for the Lord is sooo good. He will answer that cry. Without a doubt.

bmach said...

you didn't need perfect timing to write a profound post. How you describe us all in our brokenness is articulated beautiously. right on.