Wednesday, December 16, 2009

On the other side

Currently packing: my dorm room
Current musical discovery: Kristene Mueller
Current status: alumni

So this is that awkward comeback from a long blog silence. I feel nervous, I feel kinda unknown. And I wonder why I haven't blogged in almost a month? Maybe I thought you didn't want to hear my pitty parties. Perhaps I was embarassed as to what I have been actually feeling. Or maybe I had no idea on how to express. The latter is mostly true. So I present myself to you...on the other side of student, in official terms that is.

So I graduated. I am done with college. When I talk about it now, it will be in the past tense. I will talk about what once was. I will remember.... And remember fondly. Just in case, I began making a list of different books to read and hobbies to pick up if I find myself freaking out in about a month. Having a 9-5 job will give me ample time to do some things I have been putting off. Then again, that sounds extremely idealistic. I will probably find myself just as busy. You know, I might like being busy. Ewe. I just sounded so American. Simplicity, I will find you soon.

What does it mean to say good-bye to friends you have shared life with for the last 3 1/2 years? When I look them in the eye to say good-bye, I replay our favorite moments. When my eyes well up in tears when I look at them, it's for them being such a significant part of my experience here. When I thank them, it's for influencing my entire life with just 3 1/2 years. When I say I will miss them, I mean I will miss having dinner with them every night. I will miss dressing up in costumes and putting on dance parties. I will miss late night conversations about faith and justice. I will miss worshipping with those that don't have to agree with me to understand me. I will miss being understand. Ah, yes, that is it. Being understood. Being able to question and not judged. Being able to doubt and still believe. Being able to mend faith and science. Here I found beauty. Leaving here raises so many more questions.

And yet I was reminded yesterday...."GO."

It sounds so familiar. That voice. I recognize that voice....from another season. And I remember.

So I respond willfully. I reply joyfully. I walk obediently.

And full of faith, I believe "He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever." Psalm 111:5


1 comment:

megan kennedy said...

I really like your mind and I like your heart and your spirit. Thanks for letting me be your friend.