Sunday, August 30, 2009

Love. Hate?

Currently listening to: Ben Rector, Ready for Change
Currently addicted to: anything with sugar on the nutrition label
Currently reading: Sweet Agony

My body is in desperate need of a nap. My social exhaustion of 20 million catch up conversations within the last 24 hours and working 5:00 a.m. shifts days in a row is pushing me into a nap isolation. Give me an hour with a locked door....I will bounce back. Right now, I need not exert my extraverted ways.

Finding myself in various social situations lately, I see that my heart is moved extremely easily. My eyes will tear up in an instant, and having met you for the first time, I will want to do anything to make you feel loved and appreciated. It's an interesting place to find yourself once you observe it. It's great for sure. Just anticipating hitting a limit at some point or another? After a week, am I going to even have the strength to speak a word? If, though, I keep drinking from the neverending well of salvation, perhaps this love for others never runs dry? Can I maintain my nourishment so I don't run dry to others?

Coming back to a familiar place and setting with people reminds me of our desperate need as human beings to commune with one another. I understand God more fully as I see his character reflected through unique personalities and edification from my relationships. I realize my need for help, my need for care from others. It really is a beautiful thing.

Ben Rector sings of being "ready for change." I find it ironic that we ultimately find ourselves yearning for the thing in which we absolutely despise as it tears us away from every comfortable place that we find ourselves in. We hate leaving behind what we have loved so much, but we yearn to "arrive" at the next glory because it's going to be so much better. Isn't it? We are so fickle; we can't make up our minds. We hate change, but we thirst for it. We just don't know what we want. But then again, it's not up to us anyway.

There's something so much bigger going on with this love/hate relationship we, excuse me I, have with change. Maybe it's revealing something about my heart.....

....i need Him.

1 comment:

meg said...

it's ridiculous how much i love reading your blogs. . . should emails begin soon?