Current mood: discontent
Listening to: Mat Kearney
Currently doing: chewing gum
Thinking about: home
Wanting to talk to: Molly
I am just interesting right now. It's been a month here in the mountains. And today I am wondering when it's going to feel right.....feel clear......start making sense of why I am out here. I am not really sure what the "theme" or growth God has in store. I have been getting sick over and over again. I thought this was over. This leaves me with a lot of uncertainty and a great need of faith. I am enjoying it. But I find myself caught in thought of all the other things I would rather me doing right now....like getting tan......driving a car......eating food that doesn't make me sick.....being with my family.......relaxing and not working.
Spiritually I am not where I thought I'd be. You'd figure God would be popping out of everywhere here in the high altitude; closer to the sky. But just like in good ol' Missouri, you must seek Him in order to find Him. I have just found myself lazy and in need of discipline...in more areas than one. When am I going to begin pressing in?
Maybe it's an experience that you appreciate after it's over. Maybe I will look back and see all the growth and evidence of God molding me. Maybe I will look back and see all the great relationships that developed.
A lot of my friends are in relationships....getting engaged......etc. I feel surrounded. This has never given me a sense of insecurity, but I think I have been caught doubting in this area. Surely. Surely it will come.
After writing some of this I realize that all I really need is a great conversation with a friend. A lot going through my mind.
I might go do that. I am not feeling creative to write.
In the meantime....miss you.
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