Waiting

Current mood: discontent
Listening to: Mat Kearney
Currently doing: chewing gum
Thinking about: home
Wanting to talk to: Molly

I am just interesting right now. It's been a month here in the mountains. And today I am wondering when it's going to feel right.....feel clear......start making sense of why I am out here. I am not really sure what the "theme" or growth God has in store. I have been getting sick over and over again. I thought this was over. This leaves me with a lot of uncertainty and a great need of faith. I am enjoying it. But I find myself caught in thought of all the other things I would rather me doing right now....like getting tan......driving a car......eating food that doesn't make me sick.....being with my family.......relaxing and not working.

Spiritually I am not where I thought I'd be. You'd figure God would be popping out of everywhere here in the high altitude; closer to the sky. But just like in good ol' Missouri, you must seek Him in order to find Him. I have just found myself lazy and in need of discipline...in more areas than one. When am I going to begin pressing in?

Maybe it's an experience that you appreciate after it's over. Maybe I will look back and see all the growth and evidence of God molding me. Maybe I will look back and see all the great relationships that developed.

A lot of my friends are in relationships....getting engaged......etc. I feel surrounded. This has never given me a sense of insecurity, but I think I have been caught doubting in this area. Surely. Surely it will come.

After writing some of this I realize that all I really need is a great conversation with a friend. A lot going through my mind.

I might go do that. I am not feeling creative to write.

In the meantime....miss you.

Love.

In high altitude, take a breath.

For the next few months I will be residing 9,000 feet up in the rocky mountains on a mountain called Horn Peak. The sun is strong, the air pure, oxygen limited. It's rocky. Watch out when you walk, it's easy to sprain your ankle. I have my first sunburn and scratched-covered arms and legs from being a handy Colorado woman. I have been building campfires, making benches out of the cut down trees, moving brush. I have converted to Chaco's, t-shirt and jeans, and a bulky watch on my wrist, along with a burned peice of rope for a bracelet. I am Colorado. It's beatiful. It's free. It's simple.

Life is simple.

I have enjoyed not checking my E-mail 10 times a day. Limited communication has been refreshing. Although today curiousity began to stir in wondering what is going on beyond this mountain. Life here has settled and I have begun to think about my friends at home and wanting to make a connection again. So I thought I would take some time to invest in some decent blog updating, Facebook checking, junk E-mail deleting, etc. I don't miss the world. The pine trees, singing birds, and extreme lack of humidity is glorious. God just seems closer in the mountains.

So today I led worship for the first time, a big dream of mine. Yesterday was full of doubt and fear. Today I woke up confident in my Lord and the purpose that He has placed in my life. It went beautifully. I laughed. Smiled. Sang my heart out. Had fun.

Today I hiked up a mountain and ran through a rushing creek barefoot. It was cold. So much that my screams resembled that of a woman in labor. It hurt. But the spontaneity felt good.

In contacting my parents today via telephone, I mentioned to them the idea that I would love to live here.....

Life could be taking a turn.....