CA: Chocolate Anonymous

Currently savoring: Ghirardelli INTENSE DARK chocolate: Mint Bliss
Currently drinking: Steaz Green Tea Soda: Key Lime that looks like a bottle of beer
Currently going: nuts-o

This blog is dedicated to all my faithful readers. You know who you are.

My brothers sat down recently and told me that an addiction is something you can't go a day without. Their smoking habits were what they were referring to, but to their naive little sister, the only thing flooding her mind was chocolate. I have come to realize that I have a binging problem and it's with chocolate. Once a day I gather all the chocolate in my 5-foot radius and go to town. Sometimes it's dark, milk, silk, you name it. Sometimes it takes swarming through the halls of Ely, stealing whatever candy I can get from outside the RA's rooms. What is great is that Dove is even enhancing your addiction experience with these inspirational phrases. "Believe in yourself" or "Take some time to breathe."

Disclaimer must say that I am not one of those women that brag about being a chocolate obsessionist just to be feminine, like those who talk about breaking up with their boyfriends, eating ice cream and watching a chick flic or who thrive in complaining about their periods to feel more womanly. I am the genuine type. No faking here. I looked online and can't seem to find a support group though. Gandhi once said "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Maybe God is telling me to start my own support group. I don't know if I'm ready for that step. Let's go ask Dove...

Psycho academic week=Survival? We'll see. My goal is surviving through tomorrow. That means progress must happen on my Lit. Review tonight. It's going well, can't you see. Look I am too tired to even put a question mark at the end of that sentence.

I have a redhead in a red and green striped onzy pj suit hovering over me with her citrus fruit in hand. This is for you fellow Beyonce.

Go cocoa.

Midnight Revelations.

Currently needing: a shoulder massage
Currently looking for: an internship
Latest Dove chocolate saying: "Believe in yourself"

Yesterday I turned in a 43-page paper. Today I am recovering. College cannot be healthy for a human being.

I have a chocolate problem.

I have noticed that I interact with guys by punching them. What does this mean?

I have become obsessed with being a business-like-organizational-get the work done-woman.

I want to play my fingers on the piano keys right now.

It seems that everyone in my life right now is either getting engaged, married, divorced, or having a baby. Stop it.

I ran 1 1/2 miles today. Yes beast. Thank you jogging class.

In closing, let's meditate on Imogen Heap's words:

mmmm whatcha say.

Hey.

Currently Feeling: The effects of more than my 1800 daily calorie intake today
Currently Looking at: My floor-aka a newly cleaned room
Currently Watched: Good Will Hunting, Twilight, and In Vegas or whatever it's called

Today was a rather snowy day for late March in the Midwest. Can't say that I am surprised though. It's the Midwest for goodness sakes. Anything can happen. I hear there's supposed to be a hurricane next week.

So in light of the dreariness of the day, I spent approximately 6 hours of my life on my buttox watching movies.....3 movies to be exact. I have never done this. Not sure how I feel about it. Wait, yes I do. Spending too much time on material things makes me crazy. My consious doesn't like it. It's like spending too much time on my make-up....or figuring out what to wear. A waste of time. Or when you realize you've spent all evening stalking people via Facebook. Ah the things we don't admit.

Movies like Twilight are creepy; they suck you in. I am the one that doesn't like to partipate in movie crazes such as Harry Potter, Star Wars, Pirates of the Carribbean (p.s. please ignore spelling tonight. I am just not caring)....the kind of movies people dress up and go to the midnight show. It's like I am giving into societal obsession. So really, tonight was too early to engage into the Twilight movies. But I did. And yep, think the vampire is extremely attractive, the love story-sweet, and will be the first to see the 2nd one. What a sucker. Seriously.

There is something about college that has made me not care of cleanliness. What in the world happened? I stared down at my floor tonight---oh wait, I couldn't see my floor---and I thought, if mom saw this she would flip. I wasn't like this til my last year of high school....life starts to speed up and I just stopped maintaining a clean room. It's gross actually.

I started my jogging class last week. The first thing my teacher said was "I love running. I just ran my 100th (added for exaggeration) triatholon" Awesome, I thought. Very awesome (note the sarcasm). She also told us we would be able to run 3 miles in 7 weeks. Awesome again. All I could do was make jokes in my head the whole time. Most of them were fat jokes. It's quite halarious. But heck, I ran my first set of 2 miles ever in my life on Thursday. I managed to survive. I didn't know what to do with myself once I got to my room...it was like my body was overheating and I didn't like the feel of my clothes sticking to me. So I locked my door, ripped off my clothes, and stood in front of the fan. The effects of the run began to hit me one-by-one throughout the day. A body experience I had never encountered. The thing I hate about exercising is that I automatically eat more calories. I can't keep my brain from thinking that way. My body must be so confused: run 2 miles----->eat 3 donuts. Ok. Awesome.

By the way, I really love donuts.

There is something about night after midnight. Things get calm. I like it. It feels like you are the only one awake in the world...much easier to reflect and/or get things done. Or, the girls in my hall finally stop screaming and carrying on. Ah dorm life.

I am not one of those people that spend hours on a blog post, write it out earlier, plan it, or even read back over it. So.....here it is. Radically Raw.

Radically Raw....hm.....I like that.

Another reflection.

Currently listening to: Iron & Wine
Currently drinking: Coffee
Currently looking forward to: Spring Break, aka Florida

Good afternoon. It's a cloudy March afternoon. I am sitting in the Union with some friends, ear phones plugged into my ears, Iron & Wine singing, coffee settling in my stomach. It's a peaceful afternoon for me. Just content. Just here. You know? Life is going to happen. My 7 page paper that I am supposed to be working on right now will get written....*moment of panic that I need to start working on it.* My future will pan out, regardless of my stress level.

All I have for you right now is a train of a few thoughts.


I went home this weekend for the first time in the semester. Just for a little while. And it was rather therapeutic. I like my parents and spending time with them keeps me grounded. They are wise and respectable human beings and I get to call them my mom and dad. A lucky girl I am. I like my mom's obsession with hot cinnamon rolls and how I think of her every time I eat fruit cobbler and ice cream. I like listening to my dad's funeral stories at dinner. I like hearing about the people he embalmed years ago. And heck, he showed me the pair of glass eyeballs he kept from a dead man years back. I held them. It was gross. But I will accept my bragging about it.

I love how my parents parent. They give their opinion but don't force anything. They support me....man that sounds cliche. But it's true, so it's not cliche in this case, right? I just hope I can be half of a parent to my children as they have been to me.

Wow, I guess that's all I have right now. I think I got distracted and it interrupted my flow. My internet just went off and my heart panicked with the fear of losing these sentimental words. So now I am on edge, calming down from the distress. But praise God blogger.com saves. I am also aware of the paper I need to be writing. So enjoy this blog.

Come again.

On a snowy afternoon...

Currently listening to: Tracy Chapman
Currently eating: Kashi Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal
Currently recovering from: a luxurious afternoon nap

Major inspiration calls for back-to-back blogs. Honestly, it's because someone mentioned that she loves reading my blog and it secretly made me convicted that I had put the pen down so-to-speak and lacked frequent postings. Because of previous instances, fears of random people and strangers reading my blog hesitates me to write at times. But today, you found me in the right spot.

I like how snow has authority to divert all plans at any given time. If snow comes, then plans are automatically shifted to a 50% attendance record. You have the right to choose a) it's too slick and dangerous for my little, light car to travel in these conditions, or b) I will toil and work to get the several feet of snow off my car to come and make it to my prior commitment which shows that I am majorly faithful and deserve a pat on the back. Today, I have given the snow control. This morning I attended an important commitment, but this afternoon, all of my plans have been thankfully lifted off my shoulders and it's an automatic "lazy Saturday afternoon," praise God. And it caught me at just the right time where I needed rest, not really recognizing that til now. So I am cozy in a blanket in my green chair in the corner of my room, staring out at the inches of snow covering Liberty right now. And for the first time this year, I don't mind it. I think it's because it's a pretty significant amount. Snow either needs to not be here at all, or make a dramatic appearance.

So I need to verbalize via Blog my recent frustration with the male species. Men, don't be awkward about this, maybe it will give you insight on atleast one female perspective. This is what happens....this is what Liz encounters with males: I meet a "nice guy" somewhere, somehow, and have an immediate connection. This connection leads to a great conversation wherever we are. During that interaction, of course, I am analyzing our chemistry and whether he's a strong candidate (embarassing to admit these things). I leave totally speechless. He of course didn't ask for a phone number or initiate any other contact, but I secretly hope that he will desparately seek out my information from a source and find me because he just feels so in love with me......ok back to reality. This of course never happens. And I get stuck telling my good friends about these "one-night stands" (in a non-sexual way) that never worked out and whom I never see again. But at the time, I am positive that I could marry the guy. So is the story of a rather passionate and impatient girl I guess. After several let-downs, I have trained my heart to stay guarded and my conclusions, not jumped. It's just that I find myself with two rather extreme interactions with men: solely romantic and the "just friends" label. I have not found the medium.

Boys note: girls hate it when you only talk about yourself. Ask questions and seem interested in her.

Today is a great day. Know why? Because it's one of the few days that music is hitting my mood today perfectly. This is a rare occasion.

Ok, well enjoy the snow. Go jump in it or something. I am going to go bond with some special people.

Adios.

Ponderings in the office

Currently listening to: Joshua Radin
Currently smelling like: cafeteria
Currently surrounded by: 2 wonderful people, aka Anna and Megan

I am lounging in the office of Ely, sporting my sweatpants and choosing a cozy Friday evening in the dorm. Wait....being on RA duty isn't actually choosing...but I am choosing a great attitude about it. It is nice to unwind from a crazy week. No more thinking or staring at homework, please.

My thoughts lately:

Do you ever find yourself insecure of some of your most valuable and unique traits?

I really like melty ice cream.

Just like high school, being a "senior" in college is rather emotional and bittersweet....*fill in cheesy one-liners here, following with "I don't know what to do with my life" statements*

I have found myself much more comfortable and thriving in leadership/organizing roles lately.

My heart melts for Mexican immigrants.

Monday you will find me watching the season finale of the Bachelor.

So long. Farewell.

Finally Free

Currently into: chocolate milk
Currently listening to: the hum of the heater
Currently sporting: the braid

Today in church, I found myself completely taken away by truth. It wasn't a special service with special music to dazzle a crowd. It was just another service displaying the grace and power of God. But the words spoken were just the right words for my heart at that exact moment. The power of the Word connected with my heart in such a way to break chains and burdens that have weighed my heart. Chains that I didn't even know were there. I was genuinely moved...Overwhelmed with joy. Ecstatic with freedom. In awe of this revelation. This revelation of Jesus. Who He is.....

The Messiah. The Son of God. The Truth. The Way. My salvation. My hope. My Savior.

And when something like this really clicks with you...when you really get it. It sets you free. From deception, false identity, false reality. From my religion.

I guess I am knowing Jesus for who He really is. I am no longer taking bits and pieces of who I want Him to be, but am allowing His complete wholeness to reside within my being, giving Him all authority and lordship over my life.

So today when I took communion, I felt immersed in bountiful grace and honored with the true revelation of Christ. I was humbled. And I accepted all He is and all He gave. For me.

For I am His and He is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ.